Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize