Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
