And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
