she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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