2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
