And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
