I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You ruined the universe
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize