I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
