Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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