just tell him i said nine months
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
a search helicopter?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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