I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
