New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
