i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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