Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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