Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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