i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
