I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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