god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm always down for nudity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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