You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
