I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
