Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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