Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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