I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
