You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
