Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
