fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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