Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize