To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
