So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
