Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My penis needs a shock collar
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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