If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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