Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
