I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
