Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
