I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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