Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
