If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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