everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize