My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
