omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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