I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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