i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
