the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
