dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
