I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
