Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Someone shit on the floor
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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