Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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