You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
