Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
