I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
