Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
