Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize