WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
