There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
