I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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