the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
