Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Every concussion has its silver lining
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
