im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
