I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
