I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is Oprah even human
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
