she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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