Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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