If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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