Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
