she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize