I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
