and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
