my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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