I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize