Ambien. No doubt about it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
