Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
