I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize