just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
