Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize